Pulp Gundam
by HeeroYuy84
Summary: For those out there insane enough to wonder 'What would happen if Quentin Tarantino wrote Gundam Wing?' (please R+R)


A few notes 

A few notes 

1. If you notice more than just a passing similarity there's a reason for that...I confess this is mainly the scripted dialogue with the GW alterations made for humor (so a number of conversations are shortened/skipped over due to lack of conversion capability, such as the opening restaurant conversation)  
and  
3. This is my first attempt at a Gundam fic so I apologize if it sucks 

Having said that, on with the show 

PULP GUNDAM 

based on a story by: 

Quentin Tarantino 

PULP (pulp) n. 1. A soft, moist, shapeless mass or matter. 

2. A magazine or book containing lurid subject matter and being characteristically  
printed on rough, unfinished paper. 

American Heritage Dictionary  
New College Edition 

GUNDAM (Gundam)- Really great anime (need I say more) 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Today's chapter  
1. PROLOGUE  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

1.INT. COFFEE SHOP -MORNING 1. 

A normal Denny's, Spires-like coffee shop on Earth. It's about 9:00 in the morning. While the place isn't jammed, there's a healthy number of people drinking coffee, munching on bacon and eating eggs. 

Two of these people are a YOUNG MAN and a YOUNG WOMAN. The Young Man is 15, blonde, and arabic. It is impossible to tell where the Young Woman is from or how old she is, she is pale, blond, and has oddly pointed eyebrows; everything she does contradicts something she did.  


The boy and girl sit in a booth. 

[Editor's note: You know those incompatible dialogues I was warning you about, there was one of 'em...sorry) 

  
The Young Woman visibly takes in the idea. The Young Man continues in a low voice. 

YOUNG MAN  
See, I got the idea last liquor store we stuck up. Remember all those customers kept comin' in? 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Yeah. 

YOUNG MAN  
Then you got the idea to take everybody's wallet. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Uh-huh. 

YOUNG MAN  
That was a good idea. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Thank you. 

YOUNG MAN  
We made more from the wallets then we did the register. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Yes we did. 

YOUNG MAN  
A lot of people go to restaurants. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
A lot of wallets. 

YOUNG MAN  
Pretty smart, huh? 

The Young Woman scans the restaurant with this new information. She sees all the PATRONS eating, lost in conversations. The tires WAITRESS, taking orders. The BUSBOYS going through the motions, collecting dishes. The MANAGER complaining to the COOK about something. A smiles breaks out on the Young Woman's face. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Pretty smart.  
(into it)  
I'm ready, let's go, right here, right now. 

YOUNG MAN  
Remember, same as before, you're crowd control, I handle the employees. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
Got it. 

They both take out their .32-caliber pistols and lay them on the table. He looks at her and she back at him. 

YOUNG WOMAN  
I love you, Mr. Winner. 

YOUNG MAN  
I love you, Dorothy. 

And with that, Quatre and Dorothy grab their weapons, stand up and rob the restaurant. 

Quatre's robbery persona is that of the in-control professional. Dorothy's is that of the psychopathic, hair-triggered, loose cannon. 

QUATRE  
(yelling to all)  
Everybody keep calm, we don't want to hurt you, this is a robbery! 

DOROTHY  
Any of you fuckin' pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherfuckers! Got that? 

CUT TO: CREDIT SEQUENCE: 

PULP FICTION  
(Instrumental version of Just Communication from American end credits plays (Pretty much all the music is now anime music) as cast rolls   
Heero Yuy as Heero Vega  
Duo Maxwell as Duo Winfield  
Trowa Barton as Trowa Butch  
Chang Wufei as Marsellus Wufei  
Quatre Raberba Winner as himself  
Relena Darlian as Relena Wufei  
Dorothy Catalonia as herself  
Treize Khushrenada as Lance  
Zechs Merquise as Milliardo 'The Wolf'  
and more 

2. INT. '74 CHEVY (MOVING) - MORNING   
2. 

An old gas guzzling, dirty, white 1974 Chevy Nova BARRELS down a homeless-ridden street in The Sanc Kingdom. Rhythym Emotion is playing on the radio. In the front seat are  
two young fellas -- one Japanese, one American -- both wearing cheap black suits with thin black ties under long green dusters. Their names are HEERO VEGA (Japanese) and DUO WINNFIELD (American). Duo is behind the wheel. 

DUO  
-- okay now, tell me about the Gundam policies? 

HEERO  
What so you want to know? 

DUO  
Well, Gundams are legal there, right? 

HEERO  
Yeah, they're legal, but they aren't a hundred percent legal. I mean you can't walk into an OZ factory, charge up your weapons, and start killing Leos. You're only supposed to use them in certain designated places. 

DUO  
Those are combat zones? 

HEERO  
Yeah, it breaks down like this:  
it's legal to own them, it's legal to fly them and, if you're the proprietor of a hangar, it's legal to sell them. It's legal to transport them, which doesn't really matter 'cause -- get a load of this -- if the Specials stop you, it's illegal for this to search you. Searching you is a right that the Specials on the Colonies don't have. 

DUO  
That did it, man -- I'm fuckin' goin', that's all there is to it. 

HEERO  
You'll like it the most. But you know what the funniest thing about the colonies is? 

DUO  
What? 

HEERO  
It's the little differences. A lot of the same shit we got here, they got there, but there they're a little different. 

DUO  
Examples? 

HEERO  
Well, on L-3, you can buy beer in a movie theatre. And I don't mean in a paper cup either. They give you a glass of beer, like in a bar. In L-2, you can buy beer at MacDonald's. Also, you know what they call a Wing Gundam on L-2? 

DUO  
They don't call it a Wing Gundam? 

HEERO  
No, they use the metric system out there, they wouldn't know what the fuck a Wing Gundam is. 

DUO  
What'd they call it? 

HEERO  
Gundam 01. 

DUO  
(repeating)  
Gundam 01. What'd they call a Tallgeese? 

HEERO  
Tallgeese is Tallgeese, but they call it THE Tallgeese. 

DUO  
What do they call a Zaku? 

HEERO  
I dunno, I didn't go into a UC section. But you know what magazines they sell on L-4 instead of hentai?  


DUO  
What? 

HEERO  
Yaoi. 

DUO  
Goddamn! 

HEERO  
I've seen them sell it. And I don't mean a little side article in an assorted hentai magazine, they have full magazines for it. 

DUO  
Uuccch! 

CUT TO: 

3.INT. CHEVY (TRUNK) - MORNING   
3. 

The trunk of the Chevy OPENS UP, Duo and Heero reach inside, taking out two .45 Automatics, loading and cocking them. 

DUO  
We should have buster rifles for this kind of deal. 

HEERO  
How many up there? 

DUO  
Mission profile said three or four. 

HEERO  
Counting our guy? 

DUO  
I'm not sure. 

HEERO  
So there could be five guys up there? 

DUO  
It's possible. 

HEERO  
We should have fucking buster rifles. 

They CLOSE the trunk. 

CUT TO: 

4. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING COURTYARD - MORNING   
4. 

Heero and Duo, their long matching overcoats practically dragging on the ground, walk through the courtyard of what looks like a hacienda-style Sanc Kingdom apartment building. 

HEERO  
What's her name? 

DUO  
Relena. 

HEERO  
How did Marsellus and her meet? 

DUO  
Sort of a marriage of convenience, however people meet people. She usta be a politician. 

HEERO  
She ever do anything I would have remembered? 

DUO  
I think her biggest deal was she was a big-time pacifist. 

HEERO  
What's a pacifist? 

DUO  
Well, you know the modern politics? 

HEERO  
I'm not into politics. 

DUO  
Yes, but you're aware that there's a practice called politics, and in that practice there are political ideologies? 

HEERO  
Yeah. 

DUO  
Well, the theory behind pacifism is total peace, not even violence in defense. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and fails. She was involved in one of the ones that failed. 

They enter the apartment building. 

5. INT. RECEPTION AREA (APARTMENT BUILDING) -MORNING   
5. 

Heero and Duo walk through the reception area and wait for the elevator. 

DUO  
You remember Dr. J? Had the fake arm, usta call him Dr. Strangelove. 

HEERO  
Yeah maybe, old right? 

DUO  
I wouldn't go so far as to call the guy old. He's got a greying. What's the guy gonna do, he's a Gundam scientist. 

HEERO  
I think I know who you mean, what about him? 

DUO  
Well, Marsellus fucked his ass up good. And word around the Zero System, it was on account of Marsellus Wufei's wife. 

The elevator arrives, the men step inside. 

6.INT. ELEVATOR - MORNING 6. 

HEERO  
What'd he do, make hentai with her? 

DUO  
No no no no no no no, nothin' that bad. 

HEERO  
Well what then? 

DUO  
He refit her MS. 

HEERO  
Refit her MS? 

Duo nods his head: "Yes." 

HEERO  
That's all? 

Duo nods his head: "Yes." 

HEERO  
What did Marsellus do? 

DUO  
Sent a couple of guys over to his place. They took him out on the patio of his apartment, threw his ass over the balcony. Sucker fell four stories. They had this garden at the bottom, enclosed in glass, like one of them greenhouses -- the guy fell through that. Since then, he's had his other hand replaced with a fake too. 

The elevator doors open, Duo and Heero exit. 

HEERO  
That's a damn shame. 

7. INT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY - MORNING   
7. 

STEADICAM in front of Duo and Heero as they make a beeline down the hall. 

HEERO  
Still I hafta say, play with MSs, ya get shot. 

DUO  
Whaddya mean? 

HEERO  
You don't be giving Marsellus Wufei's new bride's MS a refit. 

DUO  
You don't think he overreacted? 

HEERO  
Dr. J probably didn't expect Marsellus to react like he did, but he had to expect a reaction. 

DUO  
It was a refit, a refit is nothing, I give my  
mother's MS a refit. 

HEERO  
It's laying hands on Marsellus Wufei's new wife in a familiar way. Is it as bad as making hentai -- no, but you're in the same fuckin' ballpark. 

Duo stops Heero. 

DUO  
Whoa...whoa...whoa...stop right there. Makin' hentai with a girl, and givin' her MS a refit ain't even the same fuckin' thing. 

HEERO  
Not the same thing, the same ballpark. 

DUO  
It ain't no ballpark either. Look maybe your method of refit differs from mine, but touchin' his lady's MS, and doin things which ain't for CN viewers, ain't the same ballpark, ain't the same league, ain't even the same fuckin' sport. MS refits don't mean shit. 

HEERO  
Have you ever done a refit? 

DUO  
Don't be tellin' me about refits -- I'm the fuckin' refit master. 

HEERO  
Given a lot of 'em? 

DUO  
Fuck yeah. I got my technique down man, I don't scratch it or nothin'. 

HEERO  
Have you ever given a Gundam a refit? 

Duo looks at him a long moment -- he's been set up. 

DUO  
Fuck you. 

He starts walking down the hall. Heero, smiling, walks a little bit behind. 

HEERO  
How many? 

DUO  
Fuck you. 

HEERO  
Would you give my Gundam a refit -- It's kinda battered. 

DUO  
Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' pissed --this is the door. 

The two men stand in front of the door numbered "49." They whisper. 

DUO  
What time is it? 

HEERO  
(checking his watch)  
Seven-twenty-two in the morning. 

DUO  
It ain't quite time, let's fall back. 

They move a little away from the door, facing each other, still whispering. 

DUO  
Look, just because I wouldn't give no Gundam a refit, don't make it right for Marsellus to throw Dr. J off a building into a glass- motherfuckin-house, fuckin' up the way the doc writes. That ain't right, man. Motherfucker do that to me, he better paralyze my ass, 'cause I'd kill'a motherfucker. 

HEERO  
I'm not saying he was right, but you're saying a refit don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. I've given a million ladies a million refits and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do. That's what's so fuckin' cool about 'em.  
This personal thing's going on that nobody's talkin about, but you know it and she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Dr. J shoulda known fucking better. That's his fucking wife, man. He isn't gonna have a sense of humor about that shit. 

DUO  
That's an interesting point, but let's get into character. 

HEERO  
What's her name again? 

DUO  
Relena. Why you so interested in big man's wife? 

HEERO  
Well, Marsellus is leaving for Florida and when he's gone, he left me the mission to take care of Relena. 

DUO  
Take care of her? 

Making a gun out of his finger and placing it to his head. 

HEERO  
Not that! Take her out. Show her a good time. Don't let her get lonely. 

DUO  
You're gonna be takin' Relena Wufei out on a date? 

HEERO  
It isn't a date. It's like when you and your buddy's wife go to a movie or something. It's just...you know...good company. 

Duo just looks at him. 

HEERO  
It's not a date. 

Duo just looks at him. 

HEERO  
I'm not gonna be a bad boy. 

Duo shakes his head and mumbles to himself. 

DUO  
Bitch gonna kill more pilots than time. 

HEERO  
What was that? 

DUO  
Nothin'. Let's get into character. 

HEERO  
What'd you say? 

DUO  
I didn't say shit. Let's go to work. 

HEERO  
Don't play with me, you said something, now what was it? 

DUO  
(referring to the job)  
Do you wanna do this? 

HEERO  
I want you to repeat what you said. 

DUO  
That door's gonna open in about thirty seconds, so git yourself together -- 

HEERO  
-- my self is together -- 

DUO  
-- bullshit it is. Stop thinkin' 'bout that pacifist, and get yourself together like a qualified pro. 

8. INT. APARTMENT (ROOM 49) - MORNING   
8. 

THREE YOUNG GUYS, obviously in over their heads, sit at a table with hamburgers, french fries and soda pops laid out. 

One of them flips the LOUD BOLT on the door, opening it to  
REVEAL Duo and Heero in the hallway. 

DUO  
Hey kids. 

The two men stroll inside. 

The three young caught-off-guard Guys are: 

OTTO  
The young pilot, who opened the door, will, as the scene progresses, back into the corner. 

MULLER  
Another pilot, who has yet to say a word, sits at the table with a big sloppy hamburger in his hand. 

QUINZE  
A white, preppy-looking sort with a blow-dry haircut (long white) and glasses. 

Heero and Duo take in the place, with their hands in their pockets. Duo is the one who does the talking. 

DUO  
How you boys doin'? 

No answer. 

DUO  
(to Quinze)  
Am I trippin', or did I just ask you a question. 

QUINZE  
We're doin' okay. 

As Duo and Quinze talk, Heero moves behind the young Guys. 

DUO  
Do you know who we are? 

Quinze shakes his head: "No." 

DUO  
We're associates of your business partner Marsellus Wufei, you remember your business partner dont'ya? 

No answer. 

DUO  
(to Quinze)  
Now I'm gonna take a wild guess here: you're Quinze, right? 

QUINZE  
I'm Quinze. 

DUO  
I thought so. Well, you remember your business partner Marsellus Wufei, dont'ya Quinze? 

QUINZE  
I remember him. 

DUO  
Good for you. Looks like me and Heero caught you at breakfast, sorry 'bout that. What'cha eatin'? 

QUINZE  
Hamburgers. 

DUO  
Hamburgers. The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. What kinda hamburgers? 

QUINZE  
Cheeseburgers. 

DUO  
No, I mean where did you get'em? MacDonald's, Wendy's, Jack-in-the-Box, where? 

QUINZE  
Big Zam Burger. 

DUO  
Big Zam Burger. That's that Zeonic burger joint. I heard they got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself, how are they? 

QUINZE  
They're good. 

DUO  
Mind if I try one of yours? 

QUINZE  
No. 

DUO  
Yours is this one, right? 

QUINZE  
Yeah. 

Duo grabs the burger and take a bite of it. 

DUO  
Uuummmm, that's a tasty burger.  
(to Heero)  
Heero, you ever try a Big Zam Burger? 

HEERO  
No. 

Duo holds out the Big Zam. 

DUO  
You wanna bite, they're real good. 

HEERO  
I'm not hungry. 

DUO  
Well, if you like hamburgers give 'em a try sometime. Me, I can't usually eat 'em 'cause Hilde's a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian, but I sure love the taste of a good burger.  
(to Quinze)  
You know what they call a Wing Gundam on L-3? 

QUINZE  
No. 

DUO  
Tell 'em, Heero. 

HEERO  
Gundam 01. 

DUO  
Gundam 01, you know why they call it that? 

QUINZE  
Because of the metric system? 

DUO  
Check out the big brain on Quinze. You're a smart motherfucker, that's right. The metric system. (he points to a fast food drink cup) What's in this? 

QUINZE  
Sprite. 

DUO  
Sprite, good, mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down with? 

QUINZE  
Sure. 

Duo grabs the cup and takes a sip. 

DUO  
Uuuuummmm, hit's the spot!  
(to Muller)  
You, cannon fodder, you know what we're here for? 

Muller nods his head: "Yes." 

DUO  
Then why don't you tell my boy here Heero, where you got the **** hid. 

OTTO  
It's under the be -- 

DUO  
-- I don't remember askin' you a goddamn thing.  
(to Muller)  
You were sayin'? 

MULLER  
It's under the bed. 

Heero moves to the bed, reaches underneath it, pulling out a black snap briefcase. 

HEERO  
Got it. 

Heero flips the two locks, opening the case. We can't see what's inside, but a small glow emits from the case. Heero just stares at it, transfixed. 

DUO  
We happy? 

No answer from the transfixed Heero. 

DUO  
Heero! 

Heero looks up at Duo. 

DUO  
We happy? 

Closing the case. 

HEERO  
We're happy. 

QUINZE  
(to Duo)  
Look, what's your name? I got his name's Heero, but what's yours? 

DUO  
My codename's Pitt, and you ain't talkin' your ass outta this shit. 

QUINZE  
I just want you to know how sorry we are about how fucked up things got between us and Mr. Wufei. When we entered into this thing, we only had the best intentions -- 

As Quinze talks, Duo takes out his gun and SHOOTS Muller three times in the chest, BLOWING him out of his chair. 

Heero smiles (creepy) to himself. Duo has got style. 

Quinze has just shit his pants. He's not crying or whimpering, but he's so full of fear, it's as if his body is imploding. 

DUO  
(to Quinze)  
Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. I believe you were saying something about "best intentions." 

Quinze can't say a word. 

DUO  
Whatsamatter? Oh, you were through anyway. Well, let me retort. Would you describe for me what Marsellus Wufei looks like? 

Quinze still can't speak. 

Duo SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing the only barrier between himself and Quinze. Quinze now sits in a lone chair before Duo like a political prisoner in front of an interrogator. 

DUO  
What colony you from! 

QUINZE  
(petrified)  
What? 

DUO  
"What" ain't no colony I know! Do they speak English on "What?" 

QUINZE  
(near heart attack)  
What? 

DUO  
English-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it? 

QUINZE  
Yes. 

DUO  
Then you understand what I'm sayin'? 

QUINZE  
Yes. 

DUO  
Now describe what Marsellus Wufei looks like! 

QUINZE  
(out of fear)  
What? 

Duo takes his .45 and PRESSES the barrel HARD in Quinze's cheek. 

DUO  
Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time! 

Quinze is regressing on the spot. 

DUO  
Now describe to me what Marsellus Wufei looks like! 

Quinze does his best. 

QUINZE  
Well he's ...he's...got black hair-- 

DUO  
-- go on! 

QUINZE  
...and he's...he's...Chinese -- 

DUO  
-- does he look like a bitch?! 

QUINZE  
(without thinking)  
What? 

Duo's eyes go to Heero, Heero smirks, Duo rolls his eyes and SHOOTS Quinze in the shoulder. 

Quinze SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the chair. 

DUO  
Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?! 

QUINZE  
(in agony)  
No. 

DUO  
Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a bitch?! 

QUINZE  
(in spasm)  
I didn't. 

Now in a lower voice. 

DUO  
Yes ya did Quinze. Ya tried ta fuck 'im. You ever read the Bible, Quinze? 

QUINZE  
(in spasm)  
Yes. 

DUO  
There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the God of Death when I lay my vengeance upon you." 

The two men EMPTY their guns at the same time on the sitting Quinze. 

When they are finished, the bullet-ridden carcass just sits there for a moment, then TOPPLES over. 

All is quiet. 

The only SOUND is Otto MUTTERING in the corner. 

OTTO  
...goddamn...goddamn...that was fucked up...goddamn, that was cold-blooded... 

HEERO  
(pointing to Otto)  
Friend of yours? 

DUO  
Yeah, Otto-Heero-Heero-Otto. 

HEERO  
Tell 'em to shut up, he's gettin' on my nerves. 

DUO  
Otto, I'd knock that shit off if I was you. 

Then suddenly the bathroom door BURSTS OPEN, and a FOURTH MAN (random OZ pilot) comes CHARGING out, a silver Magnum in his hand. 

FOURTH MAN  
Die...die...die...die...die...die! 

The Fourth Man FIRES SIX BOOMING SHOTS from his hand cannon in the direction of Heero and Duo. He SCREAMS a maniacal cry of revenge until he's DRY FIRING. 

Then...his face does a complete change of expression. It goes from a "Vengeance is mine" expression, to a "What the fuck" blank look. 

FOURTH MAN  
I don't understand -- 

The Fourth Man is BLOWN OFF HIS FEET and OUT OF FRAME by bullets that TEAR HIM TO SHREDS. 

He leaves the FRAME EMPTY. 

FADE TO BLACK 

TO BE CONTINUED 

PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS THEY WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED


End file.
